Weblog

Friday, 04 March 2011

  • friendships

    so it seems that no matter where i am, no matter where i post, no matter which friends i try and talk to, i'm alone anyway.

    on here.

    on all the forums.

    everywhere.

    i am so sick of this! why don't you care anymore? all of you - here, forums, everywhere. what changed? why am i suddenly insignificant, ignorable, worthless?

    i was always borderline, so don't blame that. i've been depressed, suicidal and disordered for as long as everyone in my online life has known me, so don't blame that either.

    this has followed me since i first started making friends. why do i do this again? why do i bother?

Wednesday, 02 March 2011

  • back for now

    so that suicide never came to be. obviously.

    i got married instead. and pregnant. no choice on the matter now.

    still managing to stay recovered from the eating disorder. somehow. i'm really not sure how on earth it is that i'm managing, with half my friends having eating disorders and one of them being awfully triggering constantly with hers.

    self harm is becoming more of a problem again though. i guess it's a good thing this pregnancy has me so exhausted i can't be bothered moving.

Saturday, 18 December 2010

  • looks like all my old friends have disappeared in the time i was gone.

     

    so bye bye xanga.

     

    and possibly bye bye life. seeing as i hate it so much and have about 2 people who care about my problems. only because they're having the exact same problems and living with me, so it's not like they can afford not to care.

Friday, 17 December 2010

  • so screwed right now...

    so. i left my job a month ago cos i was attempting suicide most nights on the drive home. and if i didn't, i was self harming either at work or home. my lovely partner is finding it difficult to get a job. and our housemate may have just gotten fired (for something he didn't do).

    we already only just scraped together enough money for rent. i'm getting married in a month and can't afford to buy bridesmaids dresses. we can't even afford food for next week at this stage. or medication. my man and i are both off our antidepressants and now i am starting to feel it.

     

    any ideas for what we can do? we're two weeks from having the internet and phones cut, so i won't be able to use the net for help for much longer unless i can pull money out of a hat somehow.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

  • i am back!!

    i missed being on here so much! and i am so glad to be back.

    i finally have a working computer and working internet connection. the laptop is dead. that annoys me only because it has so much of my stuff on it, and the external hard drive i use to store it on is having problems too.

    the big news: i'm getting married! next month! i've been dating an awesome guy since around February. i'm gonna call him Ethan on here, just in case someone i know finds this and tries to work out who i am. we've been almost inseparable since starting to date. it's been just wonderful. we're getting married at the house i'm living in now, the one that the move into stopped me from having internet and computer for a while. it's on a vineyard, with huge grassy areas and gorgeous gardens.

    the bad news: i am now officially overweight. but i have a plan! i own exercise equipment now, and have a home gym room. i don't know how much time i can spend in there at the moment, cos part of the roof is broken and it's making the house an allergen heaven. but as soon as it's fixed, i will be getting in there for at least an hour a day. for now, my old exercise things will have to do - the DVDs, the repititions, hand weights, etc. and back to the restriction of diet that i miss so much. lots of water every day. all that stuff.

    i know it's stupid, and that i'm most likely going to end up being anorexic again, but right now i don't care about that. i have a goal weight - 55kg - that is completely within the bounds of healthy for my age and height.

    i went to a friend's wedding recently. it hurt so much. she used to be my best friend. but that's a story for another day.

    so glad to be back!!!

xoxfromtheashesxox

  • Visit xoxfromtheashesxox's Xanga Site
    • Name: Jessica
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 7/13/2009
My Secret Life is a forum where people with eating disorders can find support and understanding.
Silent Screams is a forum where you will find understanding and support for any kind of abuse.
Glass Walls is a support forum for people with any kind of mental illness, including DID.
The Safety Net is a place for support for you if your loved one, family member or friend is going through any kind of difficult experience.
On all of these forums you can remain completely anonymous if you want to. Certain sections of Silent Screams and Glass Walls are password protected for extra security. Unless you are a registered member, you can't post in the forums - so you know you can be safe.

About Me

  • I'm a young adult living in Australia. I have several mental illnesses, and have been through a bit growing up. This blog is my way of coping with things, dealing with things, and trying to get through everything, now that I don't have the help of any counselors or doctors.

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